Sunday, June 12, 2011

Men Are From Mars??? Here's My Theory.........

   After several years on the ‘dating scene’ I have come to both love and loath the male species in almost equal measure. I don’t regret any of my past XY encounters (well maybe one or two), however I certainly wish I knew back then what I have come to know now. But there lies the beauty of hindsight.  I could get all corny and say those experiences have made me who I am today, but I prefer to see them as enabling me to finally weed out the bullshit and see what’s really there. I’m not claiming to be an expert on men-or some wannabe Carrie Bradshaw.  However I have noticed an undeniable pattern which has lead me to believe that most men fit into one of several categories. I thought it was about time I put this knowledge to good use, as many of my female friends are younger than me. It is with their emotional and psychological well being in mind that I write this. 

  The first species of man I would like to address is that of Girlfriend GuyGirlfriend Guy is the type of male who may literally fall in love with his own dinner. They are usually desperate for a romantic connection of any type, and will more than likely tell you they love you by the end of the first date.  Thankfully for us they are quite easy to spot, and I advice you stay clear unless you are of course Boyfriend Girl but that’s a whole other article. The interesting thing about Girlfriend Guy is that more often than not he has no reason to be so desperate.  They tend to be nice looking lads with normal social skills, the root of their desire to be ‘coupled up’ remains a mystery to me.

  We now move on to The Mumma’s Boy. This species is a little more complex, as it usually takes time to identify it.  You might not realise you are in the company of a Mumma’s Boy until months down the line. With this breed of man you will discover that the main woman in his life- the mother has likely been the one to make all major decisions for him.  The danger with this lies in the fact that he has been unable to develop the initiative to think for himself, particularly when it comes to women.  A Mumma’s Boy will happily take the back seat and allow you to make all the decisions in the relationship.  Subconsciously he is replicating the relationship he has with mummy dearest. His lack of initiative also means that you will literally have to spell it out for him: It hurts my feelings when you don’t call or text me!!!!!  A true Mumma's Boy has no intention of leaving the nest, and why would he when mother has made it so comfortable for him!  So you might want to think twice before suggesting you move in together.  Another factor to consider is that no matter what you will always play second fiddle to his mother, which is fine just as long as you like her and more importantly she likes you! 

  The next species we will examine is The Metro-sexual.  I believe Metro-sexual Men fall into two categories Type A and Type B.

Type A:  A guy who has a genuine interest in fashion and takes pride in his appearance. Let’s face it ladies there’s nothing wrong with that. When deciding whether or not we are attracted to a man, many women start from the bottom and work their way up.  It doesn’t matter how great your body and face are-if we hate your shoes its all over red rover!

Type B: This is the type of Metro-sexual I advise you ignore.  They tend to be completely image obsessed, and will most likely take longer than you to get ready. You also run the risk of having him steal you sacred hair straightener. A Type B Metro-sexual  can be identified usually by the over-presence of hair product, cologne, and of course the turned up collar. Men of the world take note: the only man to rock the turned up collar was The King himself Elvis!!!!!

   We have now come to what I believe to be the deadliest of all male species…..The Pretty Boy Player.  These boys were blessed with natural god given looks.  They achieve sexy with little or no effort, and can usually make even the most sensible woman weak at the knees. The Pretty Boy Player has never really had to work to gain a woman’s attention and or affection and there lies the problem, they’re lazy bastards!!  On a night out he will usually position himself somewhere that allows him to be noticed-for instance the bar. He will then wait for the women to come to him-like flies to shit, and believe me they will!  He has come to believe that he can get anyone he wants, and therefore you are disposable to him-at least until someone prettier comes along. The problem with falling for this specimen is that you will end up doing all the work.  His dreamy eyes and sexy smile will interfere with your brain waves and in no time you will find yourself becoming obsessed with this creature.  The majority of us women love a challenge, so the more aloof and uninterested he appears, the more we will want him.  It is one of the great mysteries of life! We complain that all men are bastards and yet we have no interest in the ones that aren’t. With that in mind we must now move to my final specimen  ….The Genuine Guy

         The Genuine Guy is considered by many to be the most rare species of man.  However I disagree with this.  In my view Genuine Guys are everywhere, they just tend to get over shadowed by the other species we have examined.  Like their title suggests, they are genuine down to earth fellas.  They are often quietly confident and self assured-this allows them to avoid playing mind games. With a Genuine Guy what you see is what you get, and you will always know where you stand with them.  Unfortunately many women find this prospect boring and safe, they crave the danger and complexity of the above species.  However Genuine Guys of the world fear not-in time us women grow tired of the antics dished out by the other breeds, we will come to our senses and learn to appreciate you! Just be patient!!!

 Please be aware that some men fall into several of the above categories.

Yours Faithfully